The Computer Affair

The Computer Affair

(A Little Creative Writing)

Have you ever had a relationship, in the beginning where all communication was based on letters, phone calls or now, the internet? Thinking about that the other day, I realized how much fun those can be, how exciting and frustrating as well. So, Snow White presents one of her best efforts with technology and love. ;-))

She gets up out of bed, the two legged “thing” in the bedroom is snoring, so she takes the chance and scurries down the hallway, in the dark; well not too bad since the "on" light from the computer casts a glow on the walls. Nonetheless, she hurries down the hallway, trying to throw her arms into her robe as she moves and trips on a cat. Scream, howl and screech, from the cat. Oh damn!!! She grabs the walls and regains her balance, for two seconds and she is off again muttering under her breath, “ Damn cat!” What the hell were you doing in the middle of the hallway anyway, in the dark on the rug?”Unfortunately the cat woke the dogs up and so they decided it was time to investigate what was going on. Here comes the big one and pushes her from behind at her knees, she buckles and goes down on all fours as number two dog jumps over her. Damn it again!! She pauses; listening...he is still snoring, yes? She waits; yes...he is sawing down a forest. OK, great! She stands up and continues her journey to the "office" and enters only to find another cat in her way and one under her foot, and another one on the desk trying to brush up against her and as she tries to maneuver around them, the dogs mess everything up by insisting on coming in and joining the party!!!! There is no more room so she makes a lunge for the chair on wheels and slams herself into the corner of the desk.

Holy crap, OMG she screams in silence! Tears roll down her cheeks…as the pain hits her full force. &%§£, that hurt; she is jumping around, swearing quietly, crying and glaring at the zoo before her. The dogs are cowering, the cats could not give a damn. She twirls the seat of the chair around and crashes into it still holding her shin, swearing, pissed...but on a mission nonetheless. She turns to the computer while still holding her shin, moves the mouse around to wake up the monitor, while waiting, she nurses her bruised bone. All four cats are on the desk wanting to be fed. “Damn it guys, go out and catch some rats or something, leave me alone, I have super important things to do here!!!!!!!!”

The monitor slowly comes to life and she tries to type in her password, but she cannot see because she has not turned on the light for fear of waking the great “white logger” in the back...so she practically has her face on the keyboard to see the keys but to no avail. She mistypes, and again, and again; Oh to Hell with this! She turns the light on low and quickly types the word but now she has her glasses on...found them in the light. Shit, will miracles never cease?

OK, here we go she thinks to herself, but the mouse does not move well over the new mouse pad....in fact, it really sucks! She is desperately trying to click on her browser.....misses, clicks and viola!! Finally!!!!!! She looks at her mail tab; no new messages; oh crap, that is not possible! She is nervous now. It must be this stupid browser. She closes all tabs and launches her browser again. All five tabs come up....oh lord how long does this thing take??????????? I could pull five files out of a file cabinet faster than this!!!!!!

OK, here it is, the mail tab......she looks, and then looks again; nothing is there. Crap, now what??????? Desperate for a fix she goes in to her file of emails from him....ah....finally some old mail to read. She peruses a few of those until she knows them by heart, OK, now what? I’ve got it; my sent file! Let's go over what I wrote him, maybe I'll be inspired to write him some more gibberish (she is now panting...nothing is working she is needing a fix so badly she is ready to do just about anything...god how my shin hurts she thinks....all that pain....)! Bloody hell again!

OK, get a grip on yourself; this computer is not at fault, do not yell at Bill Gates because he did not cause this mail failure. OK, fine! I'll get over this....I will. She turns to her two trusty friends and pets them, which helps calm her down and at the same time, makes her realize how addicted she is to her torrid love affair with this electronic box!

The dogs understand, they nuzzle her and then leave and go back to bed, the excitement being over for the night. The big fat 15 pound cat comes over and just plops himself down on top of the desk next to the monitor and looks at her..."you stupid nut, she thinks he is thinking...." I guess I'll have to make myself a chamomile and just try to go to bed she says to herself.

A voice in her head tells her: In the morning my child, morning....you must wait until morning, for the computer monster does not relinquish emails until then...calming down...wishing she was in another part of the world that very second...OH MY GOD, how am I going to last???? One word, just one...even gibberish would work....I'd sell myself for one word she thinks to herself....to see his email address in my inbox....yes that would do it....that is one word, isn't it, that address??? Yes, I would be happy (liar)!!!!!!!!

OK, computer...I'm leaving now so do NOT crash on me between now and the morning...do not look for viruses or I'll kill you myself...and for god's sake, do not let any spy ware get through the "protection" or you are going to be under the next delivery truck that passes by!!!!!!

OK,...going back to bed...she is totally blinded in the dark after the brightness of the computer screen...walking down the hallway with both hands on the walls...teeny tiny steps ...shuffling her feet in case there is a cat...no cat...OK, so far so good...listening....crap! He is STILL snoring...that is good and bad...still asleep is good but that means he will keep her awake...oh GOD NO!!!! No more sleepless minutes, please (meaning more time to think about emails)! Ughhhhhhhhhh, how will I survive??????????????????????????

She slides into bed as her mind turns on instead of off; drowning in thoughts of another place in time, sleep never coming.

Musing over...

Musing over...

She looks down to the floor at the gray furry friend she has staring at her with his big orange eyes, she knows the only reason he is looking at her is not for affection; she has supermarket written across her body and hands! Yes, that is all he wants, any and all food either from her hands or plate!

She is sitting at her computer with the view facing the lake watching the weather change from sunny to a mix of overcast, windy hot gunk and eating a piece of Parmigiano cheese making sure she sliced a few smaller pieces for the beast at her feet (why she bothers to cut them into small pieces she wonders, he throws any size down when it comes to cheese)! Thank god he does not like wine and at his age, she would give him anything he wants as long as it does not contain gluten. Hum, he seems to be eating more of her cheese than she, a bite for her and two for his little skinny body.

Hell, he is good company even though he couldn’t give a rat’s ass about her, at least he is a snoring, breathing living body who shares her meals and wakes her up a few times in the night with his toys. She knows he listens to her when she talks to him because his tail whips back and forth so fast slapping the floor or the furniture he is near. We still have not graduated to purring and after having a great home for 14 years then torn from what he knew as home, she cannot blame him at all for not being ready to take on a new boss. The nice thing about him is that after a ½ inch of cheese he’s ready for a nap and so he high-tails it to his blanket on her bed or to his basket in front of the toilet (yeah I know, great place but he was used to that before so I cannot break his habits). Nothing like having company when you go need to visit the porcelain god!

The bells from the church on the island are so close she feels as if they are right in her back yard particularly if the wind is right. She hears the sounds of the trains as they pass below her nest, gliding over the tracks reminding her there is a world in constant movement even though here looking at this idyllic view one would think otherwise. The sounds of the occasional Ferrari or super sports car as they wind around the roads float to her open window as well as those idiotic motorcycles screaming over the road by the shore.

The azaleas are in full bloom leaving massive bright color blotches all around the area and in the towns. She decides to finish a few postcards and get those ready to post the next day and look over some tourist ideas for the next day as well, trying to decide on museums or a drive; reality seeming so far away just like the villas on the other side of the shore.

Actually, she thinks this is the perfect kind of weather to go to town, sit at a table outside with her marocchino and begin planning the course of her book, the cast of characters, the overall flavor and tone and begin a rough outline. Of course, it would not be all work because she loves nothing better than to people watch and soak up the sounds and flavors of the towns while sitting in the piazzas or along the shores or ridges or whatever it is in that particular spot.

She gathered her belongings, packed her little tote bag and went to fire up the big beast and point it towards town, time for a dose of life, coffee or maybe a glass of wine. As she closes the door she hears her furry friend snoring up a storm; that’s good she thinks, at least he is satisfied and happy on his full cheese belly. A dopo!
(Sometime in May 2008 - Stresa, Italy)

Men, Food and a Deserted Island

Men, Food and a Deserted Island

Here is a quick test to see what kind of man you have in your life. I thought of this after reading one of my favorite blogs. OK, so I decided after living with three male monsters who were selfish and self centered, I would come up with a type of “what would you do…” type of screening question for future men in my life.

I realize the home is truly the responsibility of the woman and she really does know almost every thing there is in each cupboard in the kitchen and refrigerator. Now, you bring a man in there, he opens the door and cannot find his beer or the cheese because it is not FLAT OUT in front of his face. There may actually be a carton of milk in front of it, (God forbid) or worse yet, her tub of yogurt!

So here is the test: You ask him what he would do if you were deserted on an island (the kitchen) together with a fixed amount of food supplies, limited to a small wooden crate (the refrigerator). You tell him what types of food are in this box and tell him you will divvy out the portions equally each day/meal. Then you tell him that you only have one Twinkie or cookie and you assume this will be split equally or, you as a female, being givers of life, will probably let him have your half…right? Well, maybe. Two days go by and you are both starving, looking at that last Twinkie; you both go to bed and pray for a miracle the next day. The next day you get up and it is gone! What is his response? You want to hear the ones I received? These are real my friends and I mean it.

One of my “lovely” suitors told me in all sincerity that he would and should always get more than I because he was bigger and needed more energy to function and, he would have been sneaking into the box every night eating everything. With a deadpan face, he told me if there was one left, he would take it and fight for it.

Male number two: This is not even a discussion because he takes the last of everything and leaves the empty box, bucket or wrapper! So being deserted together would be sheer hell and so it was. The refrigerator was always full of empty wrappers and I would come home thinking I could make a sandwich with the turkey….what turkey? There isn’t any bread either….!!!! Getting my drift???????

Male number three: No that is OK, you take this, really. I want you to have this and eat it…as his fork comes over to take a bite…then another bigger and bigger and as he eats, he truly believes he is being the bigger “man.”

So, how do you think this bad girl solved some of these issues? Well, when the fork came over to have a “taste,” her fork tines went into his hand! When number two thought it so funny to leave empty containers, this innocent creature emptied the kitchen and refrigerator of all food filled boxes, dry or otherwise and filled them all up with empty boxes. The refrigerator was full of empty wrappers, Tupperware with nothing in them, empty sandwich meat bags and for the bread, she filled it with sawdust mixed with mashed potatoes, made it into a form looking like bread and left that as well. For the first male, he was an easy fix; Ex-lax brownies did a number on him. ;-))))) So, the moral of the story is; don’t mess with the kitchen help!!!!!! Now, try this out on your men and see just how magnanimous they really are. ;-)

The Ecstasy of Italy- Part II

The Ecstasy of Italy- Part II

After leaving way too much money in Germany, the two food hounds headed to the Dolomites in Trentino, Alto Adige or Sud Tirol. Even though it was still August and full-on Italian vacation time, it was nice to be back in Italy where the food is always good even when it is bad, and the wine, oh God the wine; finally back to real heavenly wine! Menus were in three languages although we did not need it, it was nice to see that Italy was catering to travelers and making life a little easier by offering other languages on the menu without having to fight to find out what you were ordering from people who did not care to even try to speak English or another language for that matter (and I am talking about two towns where the tourism is heavily Italian, Madona di Campiglio and Pinzolo).

Once again food and wine was a joy and the days were filled with stupendous hikes at 2500 meters, mushroom photography, grappa tasting and of course, the can’t-live-without, sprtiz campiglio style. One of the greatest tragedies of Campiglio, especially for one who has grown up with the place over 40 years is to see how the ultra rich manage to destroy the simplicity and true nature or personality of a place; just look at Cortina and what is has become! Campiglio should be left as a place for skiing and summer trekking, hiking and nature, a place for casual dress, simple genuine food to fill the huge appetites fueled from the vigorous outdoor activity the area has to offer.

Unfortunately, the “locals” who are not willing to pay massive prices for a slice of carrot cake, are outnumbered by the twits who could care less about how much they spend, all they want to do is be seen never really looking at the price, paying and leaving the locales with the idea that it is OK to charge high prices. Kid you not, two glasses of Prosecco and ONE slice of carrot cake was 18 Euros!!! This translates into 4 Euros for the cake and 7 Euros a glass for the bubbles, insane and offensive to those who work hard for their money. With this come the changes from rustic mountain, simple and real, to false refined BS, shops selling Rolex, furs and lots of useless things for people with nothing better to do with their money than buy more “stuff” and fuel a false atmosphere.

The outdoor sporting goods stores abound with prices to match. With a bit of preplanning regarding clothing (buying it for much, much less in Milan), Campiglio can be sojourned without spending a fortune although, the “ovini” (gondolas) to the mountain locations are not cheap but hey, that is one fee we are happy to pay to have the opportunity to see vistas worth millions and to listen to the sounds of silence. Pinzolo is a good option for lodging for those who wish to save some money with Campiglio only 15 minutes away and not to ignore and brush aside is Pinzolo’s Dos del Sabbion.
Some exceptional meals, superb lodgings with breathtaking views from one’s hotel room may be had at the Hermitage chalet hermitage in Campiglio. Their stube-hermitage Stube Restaurant is expensive but memorable and half pension affords one a glimpse of the talented chef and pastry chef (beware, bottled water is 7 Euros a liter).

Ah Italy, alive, sexy, passionate, and expressive how else should one end a vacation except in ecstasy? 

The Agony of Germany Part I

The Agony of Germany Part I

Gosh, where to begin…? I made a trip through Germany in 1977 with a female athletic group for two months. I remembered the German people at that time, were very warm and friendly, open and hospitable. The towns were all clean and people seemed happy and made the effort to communicate in English or other languages. Upon returning after 30 years, Germany was filled with frustration, gouging parking costs, horribly expensive everything and finding places to eat where the menu was in something besides German was not a happening event except Baden-Baden and Munich. One would think that a big city such as Dusseldorf would be full of fun restaurants and places serving dinner past 7:30pm; not! Getting dinner in “on time” or better said, German-time was a serious issue, had it not been for the gallery-type malls with food courts, starvation was the name of the game. Yes, there were numerous street cafes but not for a serious meal and if you tried for one of those it was always Italian food. Around 5 pm one could always find people stuffing down large ice cream dishes and after taking in the scenery, one realizes there is a love affair extraordinaire with Italian food but German style of course (so do not expect exceptional Italian fare).

One of the worst meals was a steak house, American style (a franchise) serving the worst wine on the planet and steaks to boot. Good Lord, they do not have a clue about wine and should not even serve it in that country. Parking was another depressing issue; at most of the hotels it was € 17/day! Internet was 8-12 Euros/hour and, bottled water was 4 Euros for half liter. Not even in Italy does one pay that much for water unless you are in some of the ritzier spots.

Probably the worst offense in a way, was the lack of any other spoken language besides German; the unwillingness to show they might speak another language as well. All menus posted outside restaurants were in German of course, but not even a note in another language saying ask for international menus or have a second language underneath the German of the dishes offered. Even in smaller towns in Italy there is, at the very least, a second language on menus. OK, I understand the German pride thingy but in Europe all the countries are similar in that aspect and let’s face it folks, German is a very difficult language to master even for a German. Hum, interesting how few countries speak the language versus French for example. So is this a pride thing or is this part of the opening of the borders or is this a burnout on tourism?

There is no question that Germany has suffered greatly since the borders and walls went down and truly no other country except Germany could have absorbed the financial blow of taking on that extra weight. The country does not have that clean feel anymore of 30 years ago and the cities are dirty with trash and graffiti around, the attitude is distant and cold from those who wait on you in eateries or hotels, making one feel truly unwanted. The prices for a cruise on the Rhine were terribly expensive and the timetables impossible to figure out. An espresso anywhere was 4 Euros (against 95 Euro cents in Italy) and a simple breakfast was 8 Euros! The fun portion of the trip was Munich and Monschau one being a nice city and the other being a quaint tourist town as well as, a short stay in Augsburg.

Spending the night in Augsburg was out of necessity and turned out to be a reasonable stop; the first good meal we had of German fare. Munich was still the easy and friendly town I remembered except there were five times more the number of tourists than 30 years ago. The shopping is much better than in Dusseldorf, the food is fabulous and the eateries are fun, busy and friendly. Hum, go figure Munich is considered by many as that “southern town” full of “southerners!”

Monschau is an amazing jewel on the northwest edge of the country in Belgium. This town is nice in the summer, green and full of quaint stores, hotels and cafes but even better in the winter becoming very cozy with idyllic scenery and a Christmas market; a pretty winter wonderland. A day trip here to pick up the infamous mustards senfmuehle ground and created at the mustard mill in Monschau as well as a stop in the artisans barn where a multitude of shops are combined under one roof was on the plan that day. Here one can find great crystal and glass and fabulous carved winter scenes for Christmas. I hope we can make a trip back to this spot during the winter.


Another day trip took us to the outlets outside of Amsterdam where some of the better shopping can be found. Next door to the outlet center, Roermund Designer Outlet Center, is Roermund, a town where we ducked into a typical Dutch bar serving unbelievable weisbier. For true beer lovers weisbier is the way to go! Here at this tiny little bar in heavy Dutch style, we drank WeisBlanche, unfiltered almost white beer, which was ultra refreshing leaving on the tongue a hint of lemon. If you have never heard of this beer trust me it is time to try it anywhere in Germany although I found this Dutch version outstanding. In fact, all through Germany, we opted for weisbier unfortunately for those used to wine only, beer is not only filling at meals and outside of meal time, but the liquid continues to ferment in the stomach making life difficult when you need to fit back into your clothes. In fact, I was interested to learn what a “beer belly” is; those big pregnant men you see all over the country. Beer once it is ingested goes into the stomach and continues to ferment and if you tend to drink lots of the stuff, you are in constant fermentation and thus, the big belly (or in other words, full of gas)!! LOL

A few comments on the “autobahn,” which I had always heard was so exceptional…let me tell you after driving the autostrada in Italy in a downpour and being able to see, I can only say the Germans and their technology missed on this one; the Italians have patented a phenomenal asphalt for rain. The road in Italy may not be super flat as they are in Germany but when it rains you can see and the noise of the tires on the road is much less as well as, the fact they pour the road in squares so there is a constant, “thunk, thunk.” Since the Germans love to drive their monster machines fast, when it rains they continue with that same love affair and since you cannot see a damn thing while raining on the autobahn, “me thinks” that Italy has a lot more merits than we give it credit for. Of course, the Germans drive mostly German cars and all big, primarily Audi, BMW, Volkswagen and Mercedes. Granted they have a hell of a lot more space than Italy as a country but folks, what are the Germans and Americans going to do without petrol for their monster cars and fast driving?????

(October 20, 2008)

Vicenza!

Vicenza!

After having a slow leisurely day in the city, soaking up Spritz’s, colors and architecture we floated to our restaurant outside of town, at the top of a small hill overlooking the undulating lush green river valley of Vicenza. Musing over what it was that was making me feel so comfortable in this city and why I felt I could live in this historic city center, acknowledging with respect such Venetian grandeur, I cry out; “Ah hah,” having realized what it was about the place. This city is compact for a city yet elegant, wealthy and clean and, very well maintained, almost a miniature of the best parts of a city packed into one compact parcel.

There is a sense of welcome, the feeling one might have in their own living room and an ease with which one may move in the city. The streets are direct yet every angle, every corner has something to be uncovered and discovered. The history is multilayered with remnants from Roman, Gothic, Baroque Renaissance and Neoclassical eras all within comfortable reach of the ordinary person.

OK, back to the trattoria we discovered while spending a few days in this neat city. Al Cavalino is a lovely restaurant situated at the very top of Creazzo overlooking the river valley of Vicenza. The ambient is warm and welcoming, the owners proud of what they do and what they offer and how it is presented. Sipping Venegazzu we pondered the flavors of the wine along with bites of sformato di polenta and melted asiago and funghi, little morsels of Puzzone di Moena with green apples all meant to dip into a tiny dish of limpid fragrant honey from the altopiano of Asiago and drank up the view of the surrounding areas. 

(October 12, 2008)

Between Courses...

Between Courses...

Three women friends, one in a casual relationship, one engaged to be married and one a longtime wife, met for drinks after work. The conversation eventually drifted towards how best to spice up their sex lives. After much discussion, they decided to surprise their men by engaging in some S&M role-playing.
The following week they met up again to compare notes. Sipping her drink, the single girl leered and said,
"Last Friday at the end of the workday I went to my boyfriend's office wearing a leather coat, when all the other people had left, I slipped out of it and all I had on was a leather bodice, black stockings and stiletto heels. He was so aroused that we made mad passionate love on his desk right then and there!" The engaged woman giggled and said, "That is pretty much my story! When my fiancé got home last Friday, he found me waiting for him in a black mask, leather bodice, black hose and stiletto pumps. He was so turned on that we not only made love all night, he wants to move up our wedding date!"
The married woman put her glass down and said, "I did a lot of planning. I arranged for the kids to stay over at Grandma's. I took a long scented-oil bath and then put on my best perfume. I slipped into a tight leather bodice, a black garter belt, black stockings and six-inch stilettos. I finished it off with a black mask. When my husband got home from work, he grabbed a beer and the remote, sat down and yelled, 'Hey, Batwoman, what's for dinner?''
Guess it is time to go make dinner, eh?

(October 10, 2008)

Fritelle & Friends

Fritelle & Friends

While traipsing around with my girlfriend we stumbled on a wonderful bar/pasticcieria. They make superlative frittelle and cornetti/brioche/croissants and best of all, they do not care if you sit at the tables all day. Now for two gum-flapping gals, that is a gift from the gods (giggle).
Between espressos and chatting and a frittelle here and there, we managed to burn up a good hour and a half! She just called and wanted me to join her family for pizza tonight…god what a difficult decision because I am a total lush when it comes to real pizza. The problem was, they were not going to leave until 8pm and it is colder than you-know-what right now with a strong north wind blowing (been blowing for the last three days), which has dropped the temp 4 more degrees Celsius. So we are hovering around 1 at night and 3-4 during the day. The thought of getting dressed and having to drive to meet her and gang in the cold, at night, overpowered my pizza desire. So, I made a few trips to the wood pile and have the stufa roaring and made an extra trip to the gas station for diesel and decided to hole up for the rest of the day and evening. Since I have to leave at “O-dark-thirty” in the morning for my flight, I decided I would be getting up at that un-godly hour to a warm room on my last day (burn that diesel baby)! Tomorrow if it is not as wicked cold as today, which from the weather predictions does not look like a great possibility, then we may go out for lunch to a town where all the “whoop-dee-doos” have little places. You know, the Valentino’s of Italy, the Camilla Parker Bowles…
Ciao, ciao

(October 9, 2008)

Pienza & Pecorino

Pienza & Pecorino

If you have never been to Pienza, a town near Siena in Tuscany, I insist you make an effort to go. This warm, small and hospitable town is a true gem, a place to go when you want to “experience” the life around you versus flying through.

The beautiful, no, the stunning view from behind the cathedral at the bar overlooking the Val D’Orcia is enough to keep one spellbound for days. The warm sexy, soft yellow of the stone and yellow sand used in the masonry bestows this sense of “home.” There are quite a few places in town between those soft walls where one may rent a room and actually “live” the idyllic life. I can hardly wait until Spring arrives to go back and savor that life; spend a night or two there, eat at Latte di Luna for fabulous fresh "pici al tartufo nero" (loaded with truffles not just a sprinkle of them) or, roast duck or young roast pig. Of course, La Buca delle Fate is another wonderful spot to feast, close to that great ice cream and coffee bar. ;-)

There is a wonderful wrought iron shop in which to spend some time dreaming, imagining the house with pieces similar and best of all is to wander the cheese shops. The pecorino cheese abounds in these cheese havens as well as, goat cheese specialties and, they are stocked with salami, wines and culinary treasures. I can hardly wait to go back and wine taste, cheese sample and soak up the scenery, sign me up! ;- I can see this town is going to be a monthly escape for me.Unfortunately with this beauty and passion one has to take the red-tape-Italian-“sauce,” which covers everything here however it is worth it most of the time. Actually, time will be split half here and half in the states so the negatives will be supplanted by moving frequently between “zones.” :-))) I guess the hard part now of my daily decisions will be, “gosh, do we want to get that red for the cellar or, just for dinner?” Or, “shall we drive to Pienza or Norcia for cheese today?” Or, maybe take a few more days and go to Northern Italy for a cheese and wine run or even Milan for shopping depending on how desperately we need to see some city life. ;-)) You know, those “hard kinds” of decisions.

OK, back to Pienza and tour guide mode. If you do not have time to savor the town, it is an injustice. The Piccolomini palace/museum is a stop worth doing and I suggest (strongly), the museum store! The store has books in various languages and has a lovely refined presentation and ambiance as well as fabulous gifts in the offerings. The store is quite unlike Italy; in that it is so nicely presented and lighted (pondering,  maybe foreigners are behind it). I could imagine how great it would be to cycle Pienza and the surrounding area, stopping to taste cheese at the numerous farms alongside the roads, to picnic and wine taste (maybe on bikes)? Then again, a driver would be great too so the wine tasting could occur in full force… ;-)) A dopo!

(October 8, 2008)

An Original Menu...

An Original Menu...

Ok you have to hold on to your pants for this one. While perusing a menu the other night I stumbled upon a few entries that made me chuckle then one that really made me insane with laughter, luckily I was not stone drunk otherwise I would have laughed my head off and made a fool of myself. So I am sure you all remember the great Antonio Salieri and his musical skills as well as his portrayal in Amadeus and the life of Mozart, well somehow he was paired with one of these fish dishes and it made me laugh to think they were being tongue-in-cheek with it all until I saw what was listed underneath! I began to think, they are using movies to list some of these dishes, thinking they are being cute... So, with a load of mirth inside of me, I had to order a plate of grilled Octopussy! Yep folks you read this one right and it took another load of wine for me to actually eat the stuff; scrumptious it was and all I could do was laugh the whole way home!!!! I did not have the heart to tell them the translation of that word in this Italian restaurant needed to be...well changed to simple octopus...but then again, maybe they were thinking about the James Bond movie...

September 29, 2008 se

Spritz Campiglio Style

Spritz Campiglio Style

A few months ago while in Vicenza these two piglets reintroduced themselves to an aperitif Vicentina, the now infamous Spritz. Although good, I felt I had to give my allegiance to Italian bollicini finding the Spritz to be good but not exceptional. Now, I have changed my tune after having these Campiglio style, in fact I now talk about them non-stop. The difference is in the type of white wine used; at Vicenza these are made haphazardly as far as measuring is concerned. They contain white wine, Aperol (bright orange bitter) and water and a little bit of ice.

While visiting Campiglio, we stumbled on a fantastic “watering hole” for our preferred bar. Not only because the prices were fair but also the Spritz was out of this world and always accompanied with small cutting boards of Spec or cheese. The first time ordering these Campiglio Spritz, we were amazed at how good they were and ended up doing a second round. After that little sosta, this drink became our all time favorite particularly after coming down off the mountains in the afternoons from hikes. Until I was told what went into them, I had no clue as to the “why” of my preference and here is the secret: instead of any old white wine, they use Prosecco (no wonder)!

The glasses are well stocked with ice Aperol, Prosecco and some water although we do not know the right proportions of each ingredient except the ice. ;-) After about the fourth time at the watering hole, we talked to the "tender" and he told us the Spritz is not only the “in” drink (he serves gazillions of them) but has become the preferred cocktail of the “in” places and of that area. Curiously, while strolling the main square in front of the Swiss Chalet Bar/Café we noted there was nothing but the orange drinks on almost every table. Looking at each other and thinking the same thing, we decided to test one out at  "the Suisse " and compare it to our favorite bar tender’s special. The drink was good, served in smaller wine glasses but it just did not have the flavor of the other; must be the type of Prosecco used. So, on the last day before reentry to the big city, we had our farewell Spritz and will not have another until returning to that area (would hate to ruin a great memory)! Looks like we will be making plans to head back there real soon, the withdrawals are terrible.

September 16, 2008

Ristorante La Meridiana a Domodossola, What a Gem!!

Ristorante La Meridiana a Domodossola, What a Gem!!

Oh my god, yesterday’s stumble into this unbelievable restaurant restored my faith in off-the-beaten-path places to eat. This was a find of monumental proportions and anyone who can or is able, head to Domodossola for a fabulous meal. They specialize in fish courses but also propose perfect Spanish fare. This is of course family-owned and operated, which means the clan of ultra dedicated and proud owners will serve you. Situated close to the Swiss border this town boasts a lively atmosphere. There is a fun Jazz Club hidden off of the main street, nicely frescoed palazzini all framed with the majestic mountains of the Val Dossola. The family recently restored an old building from the very early 1700’s into a casa-vacanza in the locale of Cadarese, the Valley of Antigorio. The area will soon host thermal baths as well as sport complexes and recreational activities summer and winter.

For information regarding the vacation lodging, La Meridiana

The restaurant is one of a kind serving courses that would cost upwards 20€ per plate. Many of the risotto fish dishes or paella must be ordered for a minimum of two bodies, which would tell any food fanatic your dishes are prepared to order! They do not have precooked this or that. Saturday is their busiest day at lunch and trust me, the tables turned not twice but three times during the lunching hour. The place is small; the tables are barren, wooden and simple. As a restaurant classification one might expect tablecloths or linen napkins; probably for dinner they set up in that manner as in the photos on the website, but for lunch it was nice and bare and simple. They put out paper placemats, a knife and fork serving the wine in big generous glasses and that is it folks. A very simple but stunningly divine repast.

The courses are presented without too much fanfare (lord with that crowd how can they do anything else but get the food to the tables) and the food was piping hot. They offer Spanish prosciutto hand cut per order rivaling any Italian prosciutto to date. Tending to lean towards Speck, this female became a convert since stopping in at this locale, ordering pearls or melon balls in a tortilla cup served with ultra thin slices of Spanish prosciutto and large shredded Parmigiano (not shaved). The bread was ultra fresh in nice thick generous slices and upon requesting a refill, they were more than happy to fulfill, which makes any Italian very happy. ;-)

It was hideously hot outside and the desire to eat a heavy meal was not on the planner but luckily I did order three courses, all of them small amounts of perfectly prepared dishes.  Tortelloni of Astice with julienned zucchini in a sauce neither I or my partner in crime could figure out; utterly divine and only four of these things on the plate, a perfect, perfect amount of food! While taking this meal in a very slow manner (due to the number of patrons in the place), I was able to spy other dishes whizzing by the table and most of them made me realize, this is going to have to be a regular watering hole in order to begin our exploration of the fabulous fish fare proffered.
Granted, living in the area would help but a trip from Milan to this restaurant is worth it and if you really want to soak up the scenery, get a room so you can not only eat a great meal but explore their wonderful cellar as well. Beware of the desserts or I should say, save room for at least one. Difficult not to overhear the table next to us as the Italian/Swiss/French creature expounded on the delights of a semifreddo with amaretti of course all made by the chefs. If a meal is not in your budget, then go in for a glass of wine at the bar and a slice or two of prosciutto, this is truly a hidden gem and with a little bit of time to spare, I will translate the story of the cooks and family from their brochure, another impressive story (they boast fantastic chef training).

August 10, 2008

Burnt by the Sun of Napoli

Burnt by the Sun of Napoli

Yes, yes I know we were to keep this to food wine and such but you must mosey over to Burnt by the Tuscan Sun and read this post Inshallah

Despite Italy's seemingly unorganized world and way of doing things, the country does manage to limp along however the times of frustration, chaos and inability to plan things do tend to outweigh the rest of it's beauty. Take a peek at the link and have a good laugh.

Pasticceria Biffi of Milano

Pasticceria Biffi of Milano

A step down memory lane to Biffi's of Milano is definitely a treat. This coffee and pastry house is as much a part of the foundations of the city as the Castello Sforzesco. The prices may kill you but the experience is one of a kind.Taking a little morning refreshment here is something your eyes and taste buds will remember and if you do this seated, which is really the only way to go to get the “full” Biffi experience, the weight of your wallet will be quickly lightened. ;-) The waiters are impeccably dressed; the service is flawless with tables done in the typical Milanese fancy cloths with upholstered chairs and matching cushions and back upholstery on the benches. The colors are relaxing, happy, cozy, and the din from the bar helps add to the ambiance. Upon entering besides the magnificent bar in polished brass and dark wood and Murano chandeliers, there is a nice little freestanding croissant case to grab your attention full of mini croissants filled with jam, cream, chocolate and other wicked things. Once seated, one can explore the room and delight in the little flat ceramic sugar tray at the table (ceramic fanatic here) as well as, take in the sounds of the patrons; many regulars chatting with the waiters and the bartenders. We ordered cappuccino and two of the little brioche as well as 250ml of water. The cappuccinos were liquid cream on the tongue, the kind you want to take your spoon and scrape the sides! The croissant/brioche were morsels of divinity, fresh and flavorful. The water was brought to the table in the bottle, opened and poured for us into the glasses, such a luxury.

Unfortunately, we had to worry about the car since we did it Italian style by parking in pay for park area but you know how it is, we are just stopping for coffee so why pay? ;-) That meant, we could not spend a nice amount of time seated and at the prices they charge, you really should camp in for a while. When we asked for the bill I thought his face was going to fall off; 14,50 Euros for all that fanfare! We laughed while walking to the car and talked about how things have changed over the years (like the prices) knowing that a trip back there would have to be standing at the bar and even then, maybe not for a little while (gotta save up our pennies). 

(August 9, 2008)

Food Frolic Adventures - La Speranza - Tieni Forte il Portafoglio!

Food Frolic Adventures - La Speranza - Tieni Forte il Portafoglio!

English translation below
Ci eravamo proposti di parlare solamente di ristoranti dove fare delle vere e proprie esperienze eno-gastronomiche, quindi di parlare solamente di esperienze positive; bene, è il momento di contraddirci subito! :-)
Ricordandomi di un ottimo pranzo presso il ristorante Hostaria La Speranza di Solcio in provincia di Novara sul Lago Maggiore cui partecipai una decina di anni fa, e visto che il nostro peregrinare per il nord Italia ci ha portato nei pressi di detto ristorante, approfittai dell'ora di cena ormai superata da un po, per proporre a Snow White una sosta "tecnica" presso l'Hostaria. Questo ristorante qualche anno fa, godeva di una discreta fama per gli antipasti alla piemontese che serviva e per una discreta cantina.
Vi confesso che non ho faticato molto a convincere Snow White a rifocillarsi con un po di antipasti misti e con del buon vino... ma ahimè, temo di avere perso qualche punto nei suoi confronti quella sera!
Dunque, il locale è molto ben arredato, finemente e in maniera ricercata. Bene, si trattava di vedere se oltre alla forma, la "sostanza" era migliorata o almeno era rimasta quella di qualche anno fa. Le cameriere sono giovani e cortesi, ma assolutamente non professionali; danno proprio l'impressione di avere imparato a memoria tutto quello che dicono, ma senza sapere di cosa stanno parlando. Gli antipasti sono solo discreti, nulla di eccezionale e per di più in numero assolutamente inadeguato: una volta da loro si mangiavano solo quelli, ora invece ci si alza da tavola con più fame di prima.
La sorpresa però non è il cibo. Appena ordinata la cena, la padrona del locale, si avvicina al tavolo e butta li la frase innocente: "Vi porto un po' di vino?" Ma come, sarò anche un Piglet, ma non del tipo che ha pensato la ristoratrice! Alla mia richiesta di poter guardare la Carta dei Vini, la signora in questione, è sparita ed ha mandato una camerierina a presentarci detta carta. Ad una prima occhiata ho pensato si trattasse della versione con i prezzi espressi in Rupie e non in Euro, ma ad un più attento esame, il simbolo dell'Euro era riportato in molte parti, e della valuta indiana non c'era traccia... I vini avevano prezzi assolutamente demenziali: quello che costava meno era proposto a 120 Euro la bottiglia (roba che si paga 25 Euro massimo in qualunque altro ristorante, quello che costava di più era un FRANCIACORTA Brut per il quale chiedevano 1,290 Euro!!! Dopo avere rifiutato di farmi depredare, la camerierina arrossendo ha annuito accennando a voce bassa un: "già, capisco..."
Mentre con Snow White mi stavo ancora chiedendo in che razza di posto eravamo capitati, la padrona si avvicina e con la faccia di chi vuole fare la generosa con dei poveracci, ci dice: "Se volete posso offrirvi un bicchiere di vino". E' stato solo un piccolo calcio ricevuto da Snow White sotto il tavolo per fermarmi ed evitare di dicessi alla tizia cosa poteva farsene del suo vino e dove poteva metterselo! (Grazie Snow White!)
Morale: pagato il conto salato, cenato male e senza vino, presi in giro ed insultati.

La Speranza - Hold on Tight to your Wallet!

I know we had promised to only discuss good wine and dinning experiences, speaking only of positive experiences at that but the time has quickly come to veer away from that promise if only briefly.

Remembering a superb lunch at a place called Hostaria La Speranza situated in Solcio on Lago Maggiore about ten years ago, and seeing as how our pilgrimage in northern Italy took us near to this still-functioning “joint,” I decided to take advantage of the fact that we were late with our dinner decision so I proposed a little “technical” stop to Snow White. The restaurant a few years ago carried a discrete fame for its antipasti alla Piemontese, which they served along with a robust cellar to accompany the feast. I must admit, I had no difficulty whatsoever convincing Snow White to take refreshment (with the promise of some mixed antipasti and good wine…) but alas, I fear I lost a few points in her eyes that evening!

Let’s see, the locale was very nicely decorated, done with taste and maintaining a certain time period for style with well-chosen pieces and accessories. “Great” I thought to myself, besides excellent presentation and ambiance it was time to see if the substance had improved or at least, remained that of a few years ago. The waitresses were all dressed in uniforms of an era gone-by, all were very young, courteous but completely unprofessional; they gave the impression they were speaking from a script not having a clue what they were really saying.

The antipasti were only discrete, nothing exceptional and furthermore, the number of different types of these minuscule tastes was totally out of line; it was almost like a Sunday Brunch smorgasbord, lots of stuff but nothing great or too much and unable to appreciate any of it. Once upon a time in this “joint,” one could eat just those now, one leaves the table hungrier than prior to being seated.

The surprise however was not the food. As soon as dinner was ordered the owner of the “joint” (big female chowhound herself) approaches the table in her apron and in a little innocent voice, tosses the wine question: “Shall I bring you some wine?” “What, are you kidding?” I say to myself. I may be a chowhound too but not the kind she thought I was. Upon my request to bring me the wine list, this questionable female disappeared and sent one of the girls with the list to the table. At first glance, I thought to myself this must be the version with prices in Rupees and not Euros, but upon closer examination, I saw the Euro symbol here and there finding not a trace of the Indian currency.

The wine prices were insane!!!! The least expensive wine was a bottle for 120 Euros (stuff one would pay 25 Euros max in any other restaurant) and then there was a bottle of Franciacorta Brut (mind you just Brut, not a bottle of non dosato) to the tune of 1,290 Euro!! After refusing to be pillaged, the waitress blushed and knowingly acknowledged in a low voice “ah yes, of course…” While Snow White was still asking me what kind of racket for a restaurant I had brought her to, the big female chowhound approached us and had the brazen nuts to play Ms. Generous and offer us wine by the glass. It was only a tiny whack in the ankle that Snow White launched in my direction to help prevent me from telling that creature what and where she could put that glass of wine (Thank you Snow White)! Then after paying the horrendous bill for not eating, the little waitress comes back and sheepishly offers us a glass of grappa, on the house. Good God, I refused that as well; was not going to put myself at her mercy, no way!

Moral: paid the sticky bill, ate poorly without wine, was insulted and had my leg pulled from here to Timbuktu…you do the math. 

(August 6, 2008)

Dinning at Grinzane Cavour Castle

Dinning at Grinzane Cavour Castle

Dinning at the Castello Grinzane is a must for anyone who would like to re-live a little bit of history in modern elegance. Reservations are a smart thing and required to even get near the place in October and part of November (white truffle season). The auction for the largest of these beauties usually occurs at the castle annually and hosts a multitude of VIPs who populate the town of Alba as well. There is a quaint and convenient hotel, Hotel Casa Pavesi just meters from the castle offering unique room décor, breakfast on the terrace, bar and cozy reading rooms.

The dinning room at Castello Grinzane is not only an elegant atmosphere but the service is professional and discrete. High heels beware walking up to the castle, if one parks below it can be a wicked challenge on the rounded rock road as well as, taking the path towards the entrance and the uneven floors and steps once inside. This place was meant for climbing and sensible shoes plus, getting to the bathroom or better said, navigating the steps to the bathroom after a few glasses of wine can be an issue, especially when you really need to go. ;-)

While gazing up and through the windows from inside, over the expanse of the vineyard-clad hills beyond, one can not help but breathe a little bit of the history within these walls.

Dinner consisted of tagliolini with sausage ragù (sausage from the Roero region) a bottle of lively Barbera, hand-rolled bread sticks and a main course of Brasato al Barolo. Brasato is one of the ultra famous dishes from this area and is truly a must-try. The meat is soaked in Barolo wine, cloves, juniper berries and garlic for 12-24 hours then removed from that marinade and slow baked for 1½ in fresh Barolo but not before performing a sauté of carrot, celery and onions, browning the meat and then bathing it in Barolo.

After all that food no one needed dessert but they insisted with a few complimentary cookies and of course we did have to imbibe in an outstanding grappa! The waiter brought the bottle to the table after we told him a little bit about our taste preferences; he suggested this one and poured two generous glasses offering us, on his wallet, a second. God, a second glass would have done this little lady in, she would have needed a stretcher to get down the stairs.

While seated outside on the benches in the gardens encircling the castle, the night air was cool (blissfully) and the night birds extremely busy. Something came whizzing by my head at a speed so fast my hair flew up and my ears were buzzing from the speed with which this creature flew. Who knows what it was, certainly not an owl of any sort and not a bat. The lights across the valley to the other hill town were mesmerizing and suggestive, music floated up from the tent party near the hotel, laughter and the tingle of glasses while toasting; all elements adding to the ambience rendering the experience even more suggestive for a creative mind. The past oozed around us with the pride of the people of the town for the place they live and for the traditions they protect.

(August 6, 2008)

Alba & La Piola - Food & Wine Adventure

Alba & La Piola - Food & Wine Adventure

Wandering the infamous town of white truffles and fabulous wines, I realized I had a one-way ticket to paradise, Alba in the province of Cuneo. In the historic center, exists a great eatery called la Piola.

Across from the Chiesa di S. Giovanni or, il Duomo there is this simple and elegant little place to eat under the old portico. They have also placed a permanent “greenhouse” for dinning right on the piazza; this little glass house is fully enclosed with air conditioning and in the summer heat, it is a blessing to sit there and enjoy the view, eat and stay cool. The tables are set up with huge, fun and colorful charger plates with ultra comfortable chairs to rest in (such a rarity in Italy, and a change from the classic Osteria chair).

The menu offers excellent dishes typical to the region with nice, courteous waitresses and waiters serving everything very promptly. For starters, an assorted cheese plate was a must just to sample the local cheese creations as well as a fabulous insalata russa. Tagliolini with an oil and garlic or “white” sauce of ground rabbit dressed this homemade pasta, which was out of this world! There were also agnolotti made with a mix from a roast of various meats and these were dressed in the sauce of the roast, something I had never tasted before in all my days in Italy. The sauce was limpid gravy per se, light in weight and exquisite in flavor. The agnolotti are a type of tortellini except the ends are brought together at the center of the “cushion” and pressed together. Some other versions of these wonderful homemade agnolotti are with the ends pulled together similar to a sack as if tied with string at the top. All this fare was accompanied by a nice chilled white Roero Arneis another great white wine produced in the Roero hills above the river Tanaro; and since this was gastronomic play-time, dessert was a must, which was accompanied with a wonderful Moscato d’Asti by, none other than this little piglet’s favorite, I Vignaioli di S. Stefano. Dessert was the classic Bunet; a type of chocolate pudding with crushed amaretti. Bunet Recipe
(July 29, 2008)

Vignaioli Santo Stefano - A Wine Adventure

Vignaioli Santo Stefano - A Wine Adventure

Beneath the shadow of the Barolo Castle, lunch awaited. After a nice espresso at the Old Café next to the Osteria where we eventually had lunch (in 86 degree heat and a nice 60% humidity), we made a not-so-quick stop in the regional wine shop to peruse the Barolos of the area. This lovely little wine haven is under (below the street) the Castello di Barolo offering tasting and education. That day there were three types of Barolo to be sipped the first coming from different soil than the classic Barolo and this one was very light in color and depth as well as flavor. The second one was a finely blended version of Barolo, one of the modernists versions and very warm and soft on the tongue. This was a nicely balanced wine (quite ready for consumption). The last one was a classic or traditionalist Barolo and was very dark in color and of course, had deeper tannins thus, not as smooth to the palate.For these two “pigs”, the balanced modernist version was destined for their wine cellar (costing mind you, a lot more than the classic version), this wine was from Bergera Pezzole, labeled as Le Strette 2004, estate bottled. Happy as a clam with two bottles in her possession, they pointed their toes towards Belbo on a hunt for i Vignaioli di Santo Stefano. With a few stops here and there to ask directions, they wound up falling into the large cellars of Vallebelbo and while there, decided to stock up on the classics; Asti, Moscato and Brachetto (gotta LOVE that cherry red color with frizz)! While there, directions to “the boys” (i Vignaioli) were obtained and as heavily loaded as the mini mouse car was, they headed to the hills!I Vignaioli di Santo Stefano are in a locale of Santo Stefano Belbo; way, way up top to the crown of the hills. Numerous switchbacks greet you on a road big enough for one car or a tractor as it winds up, up and away. Vineyards on steep slopes covered both sides of the old mule road; “Good lord” I thought, “How in the world do they harvest on these slopes, let alone work the vineyards daily without losing it?” Just as that thought crossed my mind while approaching the cellar drive, a weary, sweat-drenched soul pops out of the brush with his weed whacker and mask, leaving behind him a steep hill of vines. I did not want to know the cost of the wine because the price, no matter what it is, is worth it; what kind of crazy fool works on slopes so steep their legs at the end of the day must ache from the effort to stay upright? Watching the scene before me, I realize few wineries in Napa Valley are anything close to the difficulty of these vineyards.
This stop was for a Moscato that we had been searching for, for quite a while. We quickly purchased a case (the heat was killing us all) of their elegant, long-necked bottles of frizzy, sweet, golden colored Moscato d’Asti. Looking at these bottles she realized this was a first, she had never before seen a wine with bubbles in anything but the classic champagne-type bottle. Moscato runs at 5.5% vol making this an easy aperitif or desert wine. While packing the box into the “mouse on wheels,” the young wine keeper gave them a bottle of their more expensive Moscato Passito 2002, labeled “Il” to test out. Next trip we will consider going back during the cooler weather and buy up a few of the Passito and really enjoy the heady pleasures of Moscato.There was also a stop to the Castello Mango and wine shop to test out the Moscato on display. As it turned out a case of another wonderful delectable sweet/dry wine headed to the cellars. This was from the hills of Mango known for its Moscato. It was labeled Tintero Moscato d’Asti, D.O.C.G., Sori’ Gramella 2007, 5% vol. and this ones goes down like silk! ;-)Lastly but definitely not least, I must mention the grappa purchased at Grinzane. Never before had I tasted anything in the grappa department as divine as this amber colored ambrosia! This was called “Elisì” from the wonderful distillery Berta, check out the link regarding the history of this four generation family in the distillation business!This particular grappa is made up of 50% Barbera 1996, 25% Nebbiolo da Barolo 1999, 25% Cabernet 2001. The French Barriques are 225 liters of Troncais d’Allier, with a finished product at 43% vol. with a beautiful amber color. Elisì is the result of careful selection of the best grappa products, refined for the last 10 years in those French barriques. Assembly of the different years and various grape varieties, bestow the elegance, complexity of aromas and emotions to this grappa that only the great, distilled liquors of the world can transmit. 

(July 25, 2008)